There’s been nothing unpredictable about it. I knew the climax would always make me cry, since thats the one thing Nicolas Sparks’ books did best. I didn’t feel it as touching or compelling as his earlier classics ‘THE NOTEBOOK’ or ‘A WALK TO REMEMBER’, but since gloom has forever been my favorite themes to read and write about I enjoyed the book thoroughly. Add to it, the inevitably depressing theme of love,  and the novel was sure to be an absolute tear-jerker…..

The book’s eye-catching, particularly because of the interesting title. I have never fantasised that kind of a thing – I put a letter into a bottle, cork it and throw it into the sea, hoping someone would find it and come searching. I am certain I’d never do such a thing – I’ll just keep wondering where the message’s drifted along to, and hope at  every doorbell, that its a reply, despite being certain otherwise. I might even die of the suspense. No exaggerations here………

The 2 central characters of the story – the love-lost guy who sends the message and the divorced woman who receives it – happen to meet and eventually, as expected, fall in love. And like I mentioned, the story moves along predictable lines. The initial passion of love and lust – which had long been missing from their lives  and their memories together eventually lead to a promise of togetherness and commitment from both sides. And one fine day, when she cant turn up for a weekend, due to unforeseen circumstances, the initial spark develops between them. Quarrels, fights, anger, despair, madness, sorrow all follow and the guy ultimately realises that she’s aware of the letters that he’s bottled and thrown into the sea. A sense of betrayal engulfs  him and from then on, it is totally tragic and saddening. It left me thinking of the past and left me pondering ‘WHAT IF……….’

In the end, the book is good, in fact, very good if you like being engrossed in gloom all around you. The most touching part in the entire book, I felt by far, were the letters sent by him to his deceased wife. Credit to Sparks there, he’s penned those lines splendidly, and I can bet a lot of thought has gone into picking the right words. Each of the 5 letters is heart-touching – the pain the writer experiences, is obvious. For me, the letters are the trumpcards in what is otherwise, a not-so-special book.

And yes, personally, there are memories as well. It would be wrong to say that I can compare with the passionate, lovelost hero but most times, I can comprehend the situation and understand it well enough. I have had similarly painful experiences, which ultimately leave me thinking…..’ONLY IF I’D ACTED OTHERWISE…..’

The book as a whole is touching and endearing. A must-read, if you’ve fallen in love sometime in your life………

I’ve been waiting for a long time… and its been unsurprisingly too long. Days have trickled by and everyday has been no different from the previous one. Its been the same routine – TV, Net, Fantasy Team, Mail, Orkut, Facebook….. all addicting and good enough to kill time. In hindsight, I feel I should have done something worthwhile…. maybe learn a musical instrument, a language (I mean Italian, not Perl), or do something which may benefit in the long run. But then I hear how my colleagues are slogging it out at INFOSYS, and then I realise this is probably, the lull before the storm…..

Its been a mixed 3 months since August 10, the date on which I was originally supposed to join. I spent September awaiting my results, and when they finally arrived, I had plenty of work. I mailed Infy my marklists, only for them to reply saying they required me to produce a letter from college, stating my course completion. 2 trips to Thrissur and back to Chennai followed. After a couple of weeks of total pandemonium, I managed to get a statement from the authorities, and convinced Infy that I was eligible to be there. They promptly replied, “YOUR NEXT DATE OF JOINING IS ENTIRELY AT THE COMPANY’S DISCRETION. WE’LL INFORM YOU ACCORDINGLY….”. So much for all the bedlam of the previous fortnight….

There were recruitments  on Aug’ 10 and Sep’ 14, which were the second Mondays of the respective months. And I felt, Oct’ 12 must be it…. and everyday since, I’ve been hooked on Gmail. I check my mail every 10 minutes, even at odd hours, expecting the impossible….

Days passed, Oct’ 12 came and went. One fine day, Sree who was in Chennai then, tells me, ‘Dey, just gotto  know, Infy’s next recruitment is in Dec’. I was disappointed. I’d have to keep killing time for the next 2 months as well. It was not what I wanted. My relatives and a couple of very anxious neighbours were forever questioning me about my joining date, and each time I had a different answer. Aug’ 10 changed to Oct’ 12…and ultimately, when I lost hope, I replied “I just got my results.. A date’s to be informed….”. And they seemed more anxious than me. And what Sree said had me shattered. Thats not what  I’d expected…..

The call did come finally, and it wasn’t via Mail. And it wasn’t to me either. I assume they had tried my Kerala number, which I no longer used. My bro gave me the news. Nov’ 9.  Mysore.

I was surprised when he gave me the news. I did not expect them to call my brother in the first place. And morever, though I have been waiting for weeks, the call was a surprise in the light of Sree’s Dec’ recruitment rumour. The date kept ringing in my mind. Nov ‘09. Second Monday. Boy, it’d be my most valuable B’day gift till date…..

Since then, its been a shopping spree. It also helped that we had most items with us, the Gulf returns living upto its name…. Soaps, Perfumes, Deodrants, Creams, Paste…. and several other daily-use stuff enough to last our entire apartment for the next couple of years….

I’m at Kerala now, and I’m indeed excited. The coming days promise to be thrilling, and I am looking forward to them. I know it is a big transition to the job environment, and I am gathering advise from every source. My vacation is over soon, and I am certain that I’ll miss these days. But, at the moment, there’s a smile on my face. I’ve heard plenty about Infy, Mysore. The Food Court, the Hostel, the Gym, the Multiplex, the Training Strategies…. its a whole new world, I hear. I cant wait to be there. I hope my first step into the corporate world, is a beautiful, memorable one. One, which I can l look back to in the future, and tell my kids, “THOSE WERE LOVELY DAYS… IT WAS THE PERFECT START…..”

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival.”
- C. S. Lewis

Friendship. Isn’t that a relationship that constitutes some part of any relationship? Parents and children, teachers and students, acquaintances, relatives…you might be someone’s cousin but that is just a given. Like the sun being gold. You had nothing to do with it. It doesn’t mean anything. But that you’re friends or best friends with a cousin – that, tells you something about the relationship.

Today after I talked over the phone to a friend whom I thought I was on shaky grounds with, I was reminded of a lot of things I have long not given thought to. Like the fact that we tend to take some relationships for granted because no matter what, you assume they will always be there: like blood relations. Or even really good friendships. But the truth is, no matter how tightly you might tied by blood – to your parents, siblings, cousins, you need to give something to it, invest something in it to sustain it. In that way, these friendships are promises. Unspoken promises made; unspoken promises that are supposed to be kept. And there comes a rift when one of the two parties doesn’t see that promise, or doesn’t keep it when the other expects it to be kept.

Today that call reminded me of how blood ties can be proven fruitless if not nurtured and of how some friendships never die because there’s no underlying, default reason. I mean that you’re not friends with that person because you happened to sit next to each other or happened to meet. But more because these accidents are not an end in themselves but instead introduce you to another person who engages you, thrills you, understands you, and beyond everything, shares a piece of your innermost self.

There are people in my life with whom I may be able to be a very true part of myself. But that doesn’t mean that they understand me or that they know me. It just means that they don’t judge me based on certain aspects of me. But ask them what I dream of in my deepest of hearts, what I love in life, ask them how I see the world, or what I would look for in a soul mate, and they would not know the answers.  Or worse, they  would get them completely wrong. I’m not finding fault with these relationships. I’m merely saying that people, including me require to not just be accepted but to also be understood and reciprocated. And this understanding I’ve found so rarely in people.

So today, I want to say I’m lucky to have some of the best friendships in my life and I give my love to these people who on some level inspire me and take away the loneliness that’s there at the back of my mind and I smile at the thought that these souls are probably made of the very same enchantment as my own.

P.S:  They say in any relationship, there’s always one person who loves more than the other. I just hope that isn’t ME…….

]]> http://sonnetti.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/that-thing-called-friendship/feed/ 0 fullu http://sonnetti.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/the-ends-nearing/ http://sonnetti.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/the-ends-nearing/#comments Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:32:05 +0000 fullu http://sonnetti.wordpress.com/2009/07/15/the-ends-nearing/ ]]>

College life’s coming to a close, and as usual, there are the formalities – farewell parties, breakoff parties, slam books all around and the like. We had our breakoff party last week at the Ashoka Inn. I had never been there but had seen the signboard from the Sakthan and had wondered that it would be as magnificent as any other hotel I’d been to. It was. The only thing that was noticeably missing was an attached bar. Not that it meant any difference to me; on the contrary, it felt better.

Anyways, as expected, the majority of the females turned up in sarees, and truly, some of them looked way better than they did in their usual chudidars. It was probably the occasion, which prompted me to see them in a more beautiful light. I had assumed Surya and Tasneem would be the default anchors, but it was Vidhya, who hosted the events. Talking of events, I felt the think-tank could have done a more creative job there. Well, I was the last person to crib about it. The guys were upto their usual pranks and kept the atmosphere lively, in spite of the programs being hastily conducted.

It was after an hour and half that the majority of the audience sprung into action. This was when we ran out of events, or more precisely, when it was time for dinner. A long queue formed for Tomato Soup and appetisers, which Sree suggested was crap. Surprisingly, it turned out to be true. A sumptuous feast followed. I thought the food was good enough, but then the more sensitive eaters didn’t quite find the food to suit their liking. In the midst, it was all chatter. I had my 2 minutes time with almost everyone present, including Savyan Sir. Ammavan took the opportunity to get close with Abhilash Sir and was seen discussing a couple of DAA doubts with Mr. Abhilash. Little does he know that the poor chap knows very little. He must have been dying to stay away from Ammavan, for the rest of the night.

Dessert followed. I had a couple of helpings, but then noticed that the queue was getting bigger with everyone wanting to make their Rs. 250 worth. I quietly stayed out of the hall. Giving me company were the guys who hated crowds – Manji, Banna, CK, Nidhil, Suji. We kept chatting and I realised that I was slowly, but surely, getting into the sentimental mood. Time passed, more people exited the dining hall, had their 5 minutes with me, a couple of snaps and a wide smile. In between, I had a couple of minutes with Amala. I dont think many people know this, but Amala has been my best friend from the girls, ever since I started calling her ‘CHETTATHIYAMMA’. Plus, being in the same batch has helped. I dont think she knows that though. Anyways, it was just normal chit-chat. I hope we get to meet again, if not at Infy.

Finally, the gluttons walked out. Rahul gave a wide grin, saying “I had 10 plates of ice-cream”. I smiled thinking “Avanu raathri kittikolum”. The others followed, Sree leading the pack. No surprises there.

It was time for the last words, where the interested ones would come forward and speak about the last 4 years with us. It was the session I was looking forward to. Not just that it was nice to recall the past in others’ experiences, but my naturally sentimental nature wished for a few tears from someone or the other. Unni kickstarted the session. He spoke well about the past, quoting tit-bits of incidents, happenings, quarrels, good moments, etc. Arathi continued in the same vein – hostel, friends, good moments, bad moments.

In the midst of all this, I was becoming noticeably upset. Its not that thought of leaving my colleagues thats haunting me…. its the mere fact that I may never see these people again in my life. I can stand that with many people in my class (no names here), who I am not intimately familiar with. But then, there are those guys and girls who I will value throughout my life…. Sarath, Ammavan, Abhi, Amritha, Amala, Suji, Jerin, Kedar, Sree, Manji, CK…. the list just goes on. The thought that I may not see these people anymore in my life makes tears well up in my eyes – even as I am writing this. And all these thoughts kept flashing in my mind as Unni and Arathi kept speaking. And all the while, Sarath kept asking me to come and speak. I was expected to speak, but I knew I would break down. I resisted, but eventually yielded to Sarath’s insistence. It was short and sweet, and whether it was touching or not, the audience clapped at the end of it. Sarath continued from where I’d stopped – he spoke about several incidents, examples and the audience was kept smiling all the while. CK had his share of experiences as well. Abhi then came forward and had everyone in splits. Quoting incident after incident, some of which may not be entirely true, he kept us laughing all the while. I was surprised. That guy is going to NIT-C and classes begin this 23rd. Meaning, he’s perhaps, the first guy to get out of college and begin his stuff. Which would, under normal circumstances, lead to a flurry of thoughts, memories and tears. But he looked the least upset, and was constantly popping up joke after joke, in his inimitable, witty style. Ajmal then shared his experiences, but by then, when I felt everyone was kinda getting into the mood, we ran out of time. The assembly had been scheduled to end by 10, and the clock showed 11. Ajmal quickly rounded off his words, and Sree wrapped it all off, congratulating us on not making it a tearful session and assuring everyone that we would meet again.

We exited the hotel, and waited for turns until Sree and TV dropped off the girls at their respective homes/hostels. The CSE-Nagar Gang were together at C-4, with Maami for company. We had our share of Coke and Fanta and kept chatting all the while. All in all, it was a sad day. The day I’d waited for had passed, and I counted the days remaining. Hardly a week of assured presence of my friends. And it happened. I had held back my tears long enough, but not any longer. I stepped out of the room in the pretext of going to the loo, and cried. 5 minutes. In 5 minutes, I had shed what I’d held back the entire day. I knew someone would come fetching, had I not returned within that time.

So thats about it…. the much-awaited breakoff party over, without any tears or emotions. But thats what I feel about the major lot. Personally, I have lost my peace of mind. I cannot think of anything else, but chalk out possible plans on how I can meet the others in the future, especially the girls. Amritha, Amala, Suji are too dear to me and I would want to meet them at any cost. And its only a 50-50 chance, no matter what assumptions I make. At the moment, I cannot laugh my heart out at even the wittiest incidents happening around me. There’s always this feeling at the back of my mind. Mom questions me “U’re behaving as if only you have ever had a breakup”. I have no answer. I just keep counting. 7,6,5…. less than a week now with my friends. Oh God…. less than a week….

Its not like I haven’t had close friends at Dubai or Chennai; its hostel life that has perhaps, created the bond which I can surely say is stronger than any I have had before. Now thats the problem… the stronger the bond, the deeper the pain when broken.

Dusk is approaching, and in less than a week, I’ll pack my bags and get out of MH. To Chennai. To a new life. God willing, should I stay without any more arrears, I will be back merely to collect my certificates. And that could be at a time, when nobody’s around… everyone’s at workplace or study or vacation. I have my doubts about reunions, especially if certain things dont work out as planned. Ammavan may never step into GEC if he fails to win Vidhya. So is the case with many others, who’d wanna forget many beautiful GEC moments. Orkut, Facebook, Mail all help, but nothing matches direct personal contact. I dont know how the future is going to shape up. All I know is that I am leaving GEC with a heavy heart. With loads of memories, emotions and tears. And hope that someday, I’ll be back amidst everyone else, re-living the glorious moments of the last 4 years.

I MISS THEM ALL…….

2007 August

Hostel Allottment’s done with… and I was careless enough to waste the chance. I was so nearly there. But in the end, I remain a parasite at C-4, officially belonging to Sarath and Mama.  4 others were also guests in different rooms.

2008 August

Allottment’s come again, and this time, there are no compromises. Myself, Manji, Unni and Ammavan got allotted. Finally. There were initial discussions on roommates. Everyone knew that Ammavan and myself wanted each other as roommate, but then, there was a possible ego-clash between Unni and Manji. ‘They won’t get along well’, was the general opinion. Finally, it was Manji and me, occupying C-21, on the first floor and Ammavan and Unni at C-7, opposite Sarath’s C-4.

That leaves just one guest at the hostel (from our class). Enter our hero – JERIN JACOB.

Jerin’s always been with Kedar, and they’ve been literally together always. And when Bimal moved into C-26 in 2007, and chose Kadi as his roommate, it was expected that Jerin will accompany Kadi into the room. Bimal wouldn’t mind. Not s long as Jerin was subject to Bimal’s verbal jousting!!!

Come August 2008, and Bimal moves into C-9, with Poo. What a pair!! One sleeps at odd times and is generally considered a nocturnal animal. The other is immune to sleep…. and if at all he sleeps, his lap is his pillow. Made for each other. Anyways, this left Kadi and Jerin in C-26, without an official roommate for Kadi, until allottment got over. And most newcomers to the hostel didn’t want to occupy a room with someone they didn’t know personally, unless there was no way out. Jerin was confident that the day wouldn’t come.

The day did come though. Our batchmate Vijesh from EC, brought him. His cousin. Donno his name. Short, shy, soft-spoken, with an air of innocence all about him. Ah, he’s just into college, I thought. Will change for certain.

The roommate had come, a new bed, previously thought to be inhabited by blood-thirsty MOOTAAS, was brought into the room, and the kid finally settled. Jerin’s dominance in the room continued. And he made certain that he was in no way, a disturbance to the kid. Oh yes, the kid never complained about anything, bu Jerin wanted his assurance. Jerin must have probably, behaved in a manner that made the boy feel that Jerin was one of the better guyz in his class. Better than Kadi, definitely. Jerin knew that the boy liked him. What happened next, was surprising. Atleast to me and my colleagues.

Jerin has this habit of talking over the phone to anonymous girls (anonymous to me), late in the night. This guy walked into the room, saw Jerin talking over the phone. He gave an instant smile and said “SORRY CHETTA”, tip-toed into the room without turning the lights on, opened his bag to get a book or so, and left without making a noise.

True, the guy must’ve this so-called respect for the seniors, that too he’s just stepped into the college. Thats what we deduced. But what happened a couple of days later revealed otherwise. While in the room with Jerin, he made a request to Jerin. “CHETTA, I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU”!!!

Appearances are truly deceptive. Jerin laughed at the kid and his ignorance. The kid continued ” Teach me how to talk to girls, how to mingle with them, how to deal them with tact and elan. I like the way you speak to girls, and I know u can tell me the secret to maintain a healthy relationship with them”. Jerin had no words. He didn’t expect the kid to say something like that to him. He finally disclosed what the kid thought was the ultimate truth. “YOU’LL GET USED TO IT, DA… ITS JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THE GALS START LAUGHING AT YOUR JOKES AND SPENDING TIME WITH YOU….”. The guy seems convinced. Jerin has brainwashed our little master.

Jerin, Kadi and the kid are still roommates. And the kid is obviously seeing Jerin like he sees his best friends. Talk freely, share secrets, Jerin’s no longer a stranger. The kid’ll definitely learn a lot more with Jerin being there every now and then. Some really valuable lessons. And there’s bound to be some interesting situations awaiting Jerin in the next few months. He’s finally a teacher. And he’s got a bright, inquisitive student. Unlike him. Letz hope the kid gets his wishes satisfied… although he wouldn’t wanna be like Jerin in all aspects.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds – Albert Einstein

So thats it. The day’s finally come. Its been speculated for the last couple of years, but its certain now. The announcement’s been made. Dada’s finally hanging up his boots.

Now, has that come as a surprise?  Ganguly’s future has been in doubt for quite some time now, and he probably made it to the squad on sheer experience (and not merit, is what they say). Especially when you’re touring, experience does count. Thats whats probably prompted the selectors to consider him too.

THATS WHAT THE CRITICS WOULD SAY.

But then, there are statistics, which are more or less, true indications of performance. Ganguly averages 45.78 in Tests, ever since he made his comeback a couple of years ago after he was unceremoniously dropped. That figure is greater than the corresponding figure for any other member of the Fab Five. And despite decent performances, he’s always been under scrutiny. In fact, former selector Kiran More happened to remark that Ganguly wouldn’t be considered for selection even if he displayed a good effort in domestic matches, such as the Duleep and Ranji Trophies. Nothing could’ve been more out-right and crystal-clear. For reasons that are as puzzling as the Bermuda Triangle.

It was probably under the expert advice of Dravid, then captain, to draft Ganguly into the side. Dravid is too good a soul, to have ignored Dada’s ability and commitment.

Exclusion from the ODIs though, was never in doubt. True, he’d made a splendid comeback prior to the World Cup, with 7 fifties in 10 matches against the Windies and the Lankans, which prompted his selection for the World Cup squad. (No prizes for guessing who top-scored there, or who returned after ducks against Lanka and Bangladesh). But then, Dada’s fielding has always been under the scanner. More often than not, its been the reason which cost his place in the side. Also, the advent of the 20-20 has changed the nature of the 50-over game. Fielding skills today, are of supreme importance. But, primarily, like it or not, Ganguly’s past his prime. He’s been a supreme batsman in the past, but he’s come of age. Plus, there are several youngsters breathing down his neck. Gambhir, Rohit, Badri, Virat are all talented batsmen and it is expected that he would quit himself rather than be sacked. He’d acknowledge that. He knows his time is up.

Ganguly’s goodbye to Test cricket wouldn’t leave a void, in any case. Not even after the Fab Five are exhausted with. Yuvi, Rohit and several other capable youngsters. Add to it, an able captain in Dhoni, who’s perhaps, the shrewdest captain in International Cricket today. It wont be hard to replace Ganguly. But its definitely marked the end of an era. India’s most successful, proactive, outspoken captain and vastly successful batsman and bowler will bid farewell after the Australian series. The era is over, but the memories will live on. You’re a true legend, Dada….. and you’ll live in our hearts forever. We’ll miss you………

Onam’s come again…. and as usual, I am not in Kerala. Not amidst the festive mood. On the contrary, I am enjoying life here in Chennai. Not exactly freakin’ out, but doing what I like to do…. TV, Net, Games, Sleep….. and not a soul to tell me otherwise. Heh!! Now thats life.

I’m 21 in 2 months…. and all my 20 Onams have been outside Kerala. 14 in Alain, 6 in Chennai, to be precise. Maybe thats why even today the enormity of the occasion still fails to strike me. I know its significance in the minds of most Malayalis, but frankly, its just another festival to me. Not something for which I need to be celebrating as if some Malayali has just won an Olympic Gold. Well, thats not gonna happen before my grandchildren are born. No offence to Anju George!!

Anyways, coming back to the Onam issue, whats so great about King Mahabali being stamped onto the earth’s roots?/ He rather be cursing his subjects who just kept watching while he was trampled onto the soil. Instead, he tours Kerala this very day to ensure that all’s well. We assume all’s well. Well, ultimately he has to return the same day. No delays, guyz. Everything better be ok. Those look-alikes of the great King walks around all morning, in his supposed kingdom, raising his hand for everyone to see. Looks more to me like a Congress representative on his rounds than someone showering his blessings upon us.

The best part of Onam, though, is that it is customary to give gifts to each other in your large family. And the exciting part is that I dont need to give. Only take what you get. Thats good, actually. Mom and Dad will take care of what to get for Grandpa, Grandma and the others. I dont need to give a damn about that. Just accept the gifts, whatever they be. Shirt-pieces, usually. You ought to be happy, but at times, I get some absolutely horrible designs that you wish you were given money instead. And I guess its finally struck my relatives. This time its money which has poured in and not the gifts. I’ll get whatever I prefer, than be contented with what I am handed. Better!!

There’s another dimension to Onam since the last 3-4 years. Onam celebrations in GEC. They’ve been wonderful…. not just the holiday scenario, but the celebrations as such… they have been amusing indeed. This time, it was extra-wonderful. I assisted Kedar in designing the POOKALAM… which came out really well at the end. Kudos to our dear Kadi. And obviously, the photo swayamvaram was there this time around to. Every classmate(girl), who came that day to the celebration, was awarded a free photo with me. Well, most girls had the chance. And for all those who couldn’t make it, I’m still ready. I look good any day……

Yeah, so after the celebrations, I travelled to Chennai that evening with 35 rupees in my wallet. Surprising, but true (More of that later). It was in the bus that I received Jisha’s message.. “THANKS GUYZ FOR MAKING THE CELEBRATION A SUCCESS”. Was expected, I thought. These ladies, are quite sensitive. Especially, since this is our Final Year. But then, later, Ajmal send me a super message. Something with more emotion. “ITS LAST ONAM AT COLLEGE…. MISS THESE DAYS… MISS YOU… BLAH BLAH BLAH!!” Well done, Ajju… you conquered my heart. A really good message, that one. Yeah, its true, Onam celebration is something I am going to miss when I leave college. Its been great…. the fun, the thrills, the occasion has been great overall. And its only this day when you get to see those chicks in your department all together. Clad in sarees. And most of them have hardly tried wearing sarees earlier. Still better…..

Anyways, life has to move on. Just hope that I’ll be able to meet these guyz again, be it for Onam or not. And re-live these moments. I can feel it…. its the beginning of the end. Lemme not get senti. Wherever u r my friend, in traditional Asianet style…. ORAAYIRAM ONAASHAMSAKAL!!!

P.S: SPAR comes to the department only once the whole year… for the ONAM celebration. I am going to miss him too….

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.  ~Isadora James

I know I’m a really lucky guy. I have everything which millions of families in my own country wouldn’t even dare to dream of.  My wishes and fantasies have more often than not, been fulfilled and my parents have tried their best to cater to each and every need of mine, with appropriate concern. And God has constantly been with me. He has showered his blessings on me and has been with me in those rarest of circumstances where I may have felt the going tough. And I thank Him daily. I am forever, indebted to Him. I know that I am fortunate enough to be living the way I am living. And that if some code of His had gone slightly wrong, I would probably have been born as a cockroach in some African gutter!!!

But there’s one thing I constantly yearn for. Something which I have been wanting ever since my childhood. Something which I know is pointless sulking about. A sister. It may sound stupid, but there have been times when I’ve considered myself the unluckiest guy on the planet as I was not blessed with a sister. How do people actually make it through life without a sister?/  Now I know that every idiot on Earth doesn’t have a sister; nor do they consider it a loss. Perhaps its those small incidents I’ve encountered in my childhood, that’ve shaped my character. I remember once we’d this UAE Social Studies Monthly Test. Back in class 3 or 4. We were asked to write a few words on our family. Those days, we used to have readymade answers. In fact, the questions to be asked were fairly obvious before hand. Anyways, I scribbled down the answer I’d learnt by-heart and proceeded to the next question. The test was over in half an hour or so.

The following week, the Sir returned our Answer Papers. Forgot to mention something…. I was a very popular guy in the school. Atleast among the staff. My Dad’s been in Al-ain for the past 30 years and he’s got contacts with most Indian families there, not to mention Malayalees. Consequently, I was no stranger. Rather, I was really well-known (for the wrong reasons though…. more of that later!!). So this Sir under question, distributed our Papers. I got a perfect 10(Those days, anything short of 100% would demand inquiry into why I wasn’t paying attention to studies). Its only after I reached home and showed Mom the marks that I went through my answers (And his remarks, if any).

I noticed that he had circled this answer where I’d mentioned that “My family consists of My father, mother, brother and my sister. Now that was the readymade answer. This Sir, who knew my background, circled the word “sister” and put a question mark beside, as if indicating to me “Who the fuck are u talking about??!!” Now, I’ve been in that situation plenty of times, but for the first time ever, her absence struck my heart. I began weeping. Desperately. I felt lost, lonely. And maybe, for a fraction of a second, felt that life was unfair. Now guyz, get this clear….. I wasn’t missing a sibling. I have a great person in my brother and I have openly admitted that he is my icon, my role model. And there are several aspects of life, where I try to emulate him, and know I cannot. He’s simply special. But then, I dont know whats so special about sisters that makes me love them from the bottom of my heart. Its possibly because I dont have one.

That was probably the beginning. Ever since, I have had a special affection for sisters. Or for anybody, who would want to term me their ‘brother’(Though at times, it really hurts). I really savour that bond. It really does help having a sister. A so-called sister, atleast. I have realised that they can mean so much to you apart from being just a namesake sister. More so, in my case, as I am the youngest among 8 cousins. A true, loving friend, listener, counsellor, sharer of delights…..she can be so many things at the same time. Amazing!!

This post is dedicated to all my she-cousins, plus all those loving ‘sisters’, who have sprinkled colour and fragrance into my life. Rakshabandhan was over a week back. Dear sisters, I may not receive any hand-bands from anyone of you, but I would like to mention with all my heart, that you are a real gem. I really do treasure you, and all the love and armth you’ve spread in my life. Thanks a million……

She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities.  She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway.  She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark.  She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink.  Some days, she’s the reason you wish you were an only child.  ~Barbara Alpert

August 03 was Friendship Day. Big Deal. Every nincompoop in town’s got a day he celebrates, in remembrance of someone/something he/she may/may not be happy about. FOOLS DAY ….. Wonder whats so great about celebrating your stupidity….. VALENTINES’ DAY…. Oh well… Lovers are a different, lost lot…. They tend to remain happy, even when their minds are constantly clouded with doubts, tension, fear and what not. Lovers are after all, fools in a different sense…..

But then, friends are a more realistic, sensible group. A team which holds more bondage, strength and promise. As I embark upon my Final Year B.Tech., I’ve realised their importance in the shaping of my future. Friends certainly, have become pivotal in my life. Every decision I take, whether crucial or not, is largely influenced by my friends’ opinions.  As is the case with most of my classmates, I’ve a peer-group, comprising some of my closest companions. Everytime I go home, I miss their company. And each time I return, I display a smiling face. I am happy in their company. Rarely have I felt uncomfortable in their presence. There have been times I have gone berserk and screamed at them, but then, I believe its only a testimony to the deep friendship that exists between us. I’ve donned many roles – advisor, consultant, mediator….. and am still an integral part of the big bond.

And as I run the last lap, I look back at those days. I’ll miss them once college’s over. Those wonderful moments we’ve shared, those beautiful Hostel Days, the boring lectures we’ve attended together, the Mess-food, the weekly BK’s, H n C’s, the gossips, the laughter, the smiles, the tears, the late-night chatter…… they’ll all haunt me. I will wanna return; go back to those days; re-live my college life. After college, the distance’ll obviously arise; its the era of Orkut, Facebook, Mail…. but the intimacy we enjoy now will be lost forever. And reunions occur once in a blue moon. I hate to mention it, but its true that I will not be meeting most of my friends, unless we happen to work in the same organisation or be placed in the same city. Otherwise, the chances are bleak, Cant blame anyone actually…. workloads, occasions, vacations, projects…. there’re always reasons, rather excuses.

I sincerely hope we people can meet, share our experiences and rekindle today’s magical moments. I am grateful to all those companions, who’ve made my life really amazing. Every single person’s been a part of it, and my heart goes out to each and everyone of them. Its true that Airtel has increased its message-rate on account of Freindship Day, but then its not my excuse. I am optimistic, that the best message I can send my friends, is a sincere, heart-felt confession that I WILL MISS THEM. Personally, a message like this, would matter more to me than a full-inbox. And I’m sure that each of my friends savours their bond with me. I do too. And I really do miss them. Wherever u are, my dear friend, BELATED HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY……

No da…. I amn’t talking of our Semester results, which take an eternity to be published once the exams are done with….. This is something much, much longer….. Personally!!

I’ve been brought up in Al-ain…  and I’ve been fortunate enough to be alongside my parents and my brother throughput my schooling there. (Now, that might sound surprising, but trust me…. u might’ve heard about that onlu in books and moivies, but I personally know people who have sent their kids to boarding at a young age!!). Anyways, life was good. Dad, Mom, Bro….. Boy, I couldn’t ask for anything more….. I knew I was blessed. I’d a nearly perfect life. And nothing could change that. Even after destiny brought me to Chennai and separated me from my Dad, I wasn’t crestfallen. Maybe because, I was in a new world…. new people, new environment, new ways of living….. India was an altogether different experience for me. And I was loving it. 2 years later, I was in Thrissur, in college. It was worse this time….. no Mom, no Bro. But, hostel life was beckoning….. And I was excited. Plus, Palakkad, Chennai were all just around the corner, so I wasn’t really homesick. There was already a sense of deja-vu. I was enjoying my newly-acquired freedom, and there was never any genuine reason for worry. Till that wretched day came along……

2 years had passed…. I was into my Fifth Sem… this was sometime around November last year, I think. Bro called me from Chennai. Like he usually does. Mom wasn’t home then. Gone to school, I guess. We chitchatted as usual…. about everything under the sky. Towards the end of the phone call, he told me something I would not have expected to hear…… Something which made my heart skip a beat…… Something which made tears well up in my eyes…….. Something which made time stand still……. My mom was leaving for Dubai…… INDEFINITELY!!!!

It was not something that I had heard from someone even as a joke….. Nothing like that had ever crossed my mind earlier……. I was going to be in a situation I was totally unaccustomed to……. And absolutely unimaginable. My dad had been alone back in AL-AIN, and I knew how much relief that’d have meant to him. And to my Mom as well. She occasionally tells me and Bro, that she’d be better off being with Dad. True. But, I never expected this decision. Maybe, my dad would quit his job in another year or so, I thought. And he’d be back. I never expected Mom to go back……..

Though, like I mentioned, there was the initial worry and tears, I was never really perturbed about Mom going back. Its been 2 weeks now since Mom left. I dont know whether it was coming or whether it was just a coincidence of sorts.  I’m usually fit, cheerful, bubbly, but I had a bout of fever  and headache the day Mom left Chennai. I was ill for a couple of days, after which, I returned to Thrissur.

Its been a fortnight now since Mom’s left. I dont know whether its just her absence, or the fact that I have been in Chennai for the last 2 weeks (which’s a looooooong time), I’m feeling extremely homesick. Not just missing home. I’m longing to be with my family. As if they’ve been away for years. And I’ve been having absolutely horrible, terrifying thoughts and dreams. Absolutely horrifying ones. And they’re occurring so frequently. I was at Palakkad with grandparents for a couple of days.  Normally, the place is boring and I usually wish I could go back soon to college. This time, it was Heaven. The feeling can’t be described. Everything seemed more wonderful. I was rejoicing. But thats all short-lived. Just like those Oases I’ve seen in the middle of the large, booming deserts….

I cannot wait for December to arrive. Only then does a possibility of meeting Mom arise. Again, thats gonna depend on whether Bro’s free or not…. though he’s expected to be free. There’s a bigger problem. CALICUT UNIVERSITY!!!!! Absolutely unpredictable, I am certain of them causing a headache for me in January. That will mean, our stay in Dubai will be short. Which’ll be really bad. Better not having gone, considering the money and stuff……

Anyways, thats my situation now. INCONSOLABLE. I’ve embarked on the longest wait of my life. And trust me, its not moving. I cant see December coming….. and how I’m going to spend the next 6-7 months is anybody’s guess!