Does any of you believe that good and evil come in pairs? That every laugh of ours has some danger lurking behind or that every reason to worry is actually, a reason to rejoice as well? I know its a debatable issue, one which has also had me scratching my head, but objectively, I do believe it Is true. And its not based on laws of nature or environmental balance or common sense. Nor is it founded on desires – like I wish it was that way.
My belief has to do with experiences. And trust me, I have had enough to label my instinct true. Maybe it has been because every time I laugh my (you know what!) off, I have a feeling at the back of my mind that I should not be doing it. It is like reminding myself that I will have to repent later for that uncontrollable laughter session. My colleague scoffs at me when I tell him of this thought – maybe he is right – but somehow I just cannot get myself to believe it. Experiences have hardened my thoughts. Every time I realize that I have crossed a self-imposed laughter/happiness limit, something goes wrong within a couple of days. Something terrible enough to bring me to tears (though thats pretty easy). For some reason, that logic does not come to my head while I am depressed but again, I can look back and quote several instances where I have wept inconsolably and found myself down in the pits. And something that brings a smile to my face awaits me the following day. It is all His calculated game of Snakes & Ladders. One move takes us to the heights of happiness and the subsequent one sees us plummet to the depths of despair. Simply put, its all child’s play.
It all seems improbable and I know you will have several reasons to think that my notion is flawed, but should the idea be true, the world will seem brighter. Even if you dont have a rosy-eyed vision. All that you probably need to do is know your limits – your happiness threshold. Cross that and you will pay in volumes. Stick below it and you are likely to escape with just a bruise or two. Dont tell me I did not warn you…
P.S. Okay. Having typed out all that crap – which I still believe in by the way – I am now implored to tell you that I am going through a difficult phase, one that I dont expect to end anytime soon. But despite that, I am still carrying a smile on my phase. And still find reasons to smile amidst all the turmoil. Maybe I have a point in this cranky post, after all….
