EXCITED YET DISTURBED!!

The day’s finally arrived. Its been quite a while that I’ve been anticipating this period of time and now that its finally come, I feel like a free bird. Ready to fly where I wish to and live the way I want to. With infinite freedom and absolutely nothing to tie me back to any place whatsoever. Yes, I am indeed thrilled about this two-month break from Infy that’s just begun.

MBA plans and GMAT prep’ have been quoted as reasons for the same, and though that is largely true, I have to admit I kinda wished I had a break. Because it was becoming increasingly difficult for me to schedule any kind of leave plan – thanks to the growing workload – there seemed no other option for me than to think of something to which my manager could not say no to. This wasn’t perhaps, the best excuse I could give, but it seemed safer than the others, because it is the truth. MBA has been at the back of my mind for long now and though there were initial concerns about whether I should make a genuine effort at achieving it, I have finally decided that I should not add it to my already overflowing laundry list of unfulfilled ambitions. Thankfully, the manager had no qualms in completing the formalities and here I am now, slouched in my chair, sipping hot coffee and blogging away at will….

Its been a fairly straightforward life at Infy thus far, but I have to say, I have had plenty of sleepless nights driven out of compulsion, rather than out of choice. Several times I have come home by midnight only to see myself trudge back to office in the early hours of the next morning. And every time I step out, I notice my roommates snoring away and giving out the impression that no earthquake is going to wake them up from their slumbers. And here I am, half drowsy, half teary-eyed, pulling over my sling bag reluctantly and embarking on that 90-minute journey to office. And thinking of the long day that lay ahead…

So ever since I got that leave approval, I have been counting the days to my exit. Temporary exit, I should say though. But that hardly matters. The important thing is, in these two months, I would have gone a long way in deciding where my future lies. Whether I find myself at some prestigious B-School in the future or whether I am bound to be stuck up at Infy for the rest of my life. My sloppy preparation schedule has hardly helped matters but knowing me and the way I work, I have not reached levels of extreme concern.

So, now that the honeymoon period has begun, you’d expect me to be in my pink, smiling at everything around and looking at life with rose-tinted glasses. Sadly, thats not the case. Far from it though.

Maybe it had to do with the manner in which I said my temporary goodbyes or maybe, it was just the simple fact that I am naturally an overly emotional character. Either way, the events of the day did matter. We were having a rather delayed Onam Celebration event at Infy and I was looking particularly good that day in a bluish-greenish-I-seriously-do-not-know-what-shade kurta kinda short top and a mundu to go with it, though not one of my umpteen colleagues or friends mentioned a word about it or looked at me in that ‘OMG!! You look stunning‘ manner, which to be fair, I expected. Well, I always think highly of myself, so there was no real reason to feel disappointed. Plus, with most formalities from my side completed, I was relatively unoccupied that day and could actually move around the Food Court and the Leisure Block with plenty of time to kill. And the on-stage events of the evening were a refreshing change from the normal, monotonous work thats been surrounding me for the past six months. Everything seemed so wonderful that day that for a moment, I did wish I was not leaving for the next couple of months.

But as always, it had to be the people. I could go to Hell, if I had the right people with me. I could return to Hell, if I knew I had the right people waiting for me. Infy isn’t comparable to Hell, I should say, but leaving a place where I had plenty of thick friends was expectedly difficult. It all started with my colleague who normally appears a composed soul but on this particular day, this guy genuinely seemed upset that I would not be around for some time. It could be because he would now have to impart KT for the replacing resource, but I could sense in his voice a tinge of disappointment. Or maybe, I was imagining stuff like the emotional guy in me always does.

That was just the start. From then on, everyone I said goodbye to seemed to be a touch concerned that I’d be absent for a while now. Thats not just my good friends or classmates; its also including colleagues and acquaintances, some of whom I had barely talked to. The biggest of them all, came from someone I did not expect it to be coming from. The guy’s been among my closest friends ever since I landed at M-City, but he usually keeps sentimental words to himself and is always seen sporting a smile and chipping in with a PJ. Today was different though. He was his usual self throughout the day but when the time came to say goodbye, the gloom showed on his dial. He made a soft attempt at concealing it, but there was no way he was going to mask what he was feeling then. I chose to ignore it and turned away. I had nothing to say. I was going away. Period. I’ll miss him and if I’d said that, it’d have only doubled the hurt. Silence is Golden, after all.

And the rest of the night just passed on. Perhaps, even while leaving the campus and getting into the bus, all seemed well. The two-hour journey to Guindy changed my mood completely. It gave me the realization that October and November are not going to be as simple as I anticipated them to be. I knew I would not be going back in a while and that I wouldn’t be seeing certain souls for quite some time. Maybe the place does matter, but it all boils down to people. I am going to miss a number of souls. I know I’ll be back in two months, but it is a considerably long time period for someone who rarely skips office and gets to meet his good friends every day.

I’m happy that I’m free from virtual shackles, but I deeply miss Infy. The FC. The Fruit Shop. The North Meals and the Fried Rice. The people. The train and bus rides. When I come to think of it, there were some wonderful things about the workplace. Things that I looked forward to amidst the hectic schedule. People I looked forward to seeing everyday. Knowing that some of these people will be in limited touch for the next couple of months, is not easy to swallow. Maybe I can adapt, I hope.

And I cant help thinking that should all go well, I’d find my way out of Infy next May. I had promised a certain soul tears and hugs, and judging by the events of yesterday, I’ll not be surprised if that actually happens. It is when I think of certain such souls that I wish my MBA preps go awry. If there is a reason I’ll ever want to go back, its because I know there’ll be those people around. And thats a good enough reason, I believe….

So maybe, I should just take it easy and be casual about this whole MBA thing… Oct’ and Nov’ can indeed be the honeymoon period… with an ending that’s probably the best God has in store for me…. and I know He wont disappoint….